Silent No Longer

A world of people around me,

yet no one to hear my hurting cries.

  I open my mouth to speak,

but the pain goes unheard.

Afraid to speak without gaining your trust,

 I hold the hurt in - which grows stronger each day.

I want to share with you my story,

But never stopping to show me that you care -

  you walk right on by.

Too focused on your own life,

you have become blind to the hurt at your side.

Broken and disgraced,

  my innocence robbed of me.

Left hurting in silence-

  but learn to go on I must.

The pain yet remains.

But broken and bleeding for me, my Savior;

  through Him who bore my shame

I now am made free.

Free of the disgrace,

That robbed me of my innocence;

I find healing and strength to forgive

through Christ my Savior.

I will be silent no longer.

  I must speak - though painful it will be.

Others are suffering in silence.

  I must be their voice

when they are yet afraid to speak.

Random Wednesday

It's been awhile since I did a Random Wednesday post, but I'm thinking I may try to make it a more regular thing.

Awesome:
-Seeing my next older brother get married over the weekend. That's the 6th down, now 5 to go out of my crazy family of 11.

- Getting to spend some time with some of my older siblings and extended family that I don't see often enough. 

D'aww isn't he cutie?

-Hugs from my adorable niece and nephew. Unfortunately I don't think I got any pictures with his twin this time, but she is equally adorable. Miss them like crazy!
-Passing another test! Graduation, here I come!
-Going back to work after a few days off, and being reminded how much they appreciate having me around there. And I have to say I like being there, I'm pretty sure I have pretty much two of the best bosses ever!

And now I gotta throw at least a couple awkward moments out there.
-My sister and I riding in the back of the car with my brother and his new wife in the front the morning after their wedding. And yes, with the "honk for kiss" writing still on the windows. I'm pretty sure people thought we should be in Utah or something.
-Itching your nose right as your assistant pastor walks up, and wants to shake your hand.

What has been awkward or awesome about your week?

From the Inside Out

Consume me from the inside out Lord....

May you all have a blessed week, and find yourself consumed by a life in Christ.

Lewis on Love

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” -C.S. Lewis

Loving as Christ Loved

We Christians like our feel good 'fixes'. We tithe, sing in the church choir, go on  mission trips, even serve in homeless shelters, but we often neglect one very vital ingredient - LOVE. 

God has been working in my heart a lot over this summer, in teaching me what real love is. And what it means to love. I posted a few weeks ago on what I was learning about love through studying I Corn. 13. And it has been an area God has continued to teach and challenge me in.

God has shown me the selfishness of my own heart - it's ugly. I realized how selfish I have been in "loving" people. I put out an effort to show people I cared, and to be honest I think I really did - because I wanted them to reciprocate. When that did not happen, the questions came. What was I doing wrong? Am I too quiet? Too slow in opening up to people?  I found myself frustrated and upset.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.  And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned,but have not love, I gain nothing. I Corinthians 13:1-3

Then God began showing me that I was loving for the wrong reason. I wanted to show myself as someone who genuinely cared, and could be trusted, but only under the condition that I received something back from them. If nothing came my way, I became upset. That is the opposite of how Christ taught His followers to love. He taught us to even love our enemies.

I began questioning my motives. Why do I love? Do I love expecting to receive something in return or do I love unconditionally, as Christ has loved me? These are questions I need to ask myself often.

I'm going to be honest here. It is hard work, draining, and exhausting to love without it being reciprocated. It's natural for us to desire love and acceptance. But real love comes into play when we love without being loved in return.

Our every effort is vain, unless it is done in LOVE. We are only able to show true love through the strength of God.

Breaking the Ruts

I know that it has been quite dead around here recently, but I have a few posts in the workings of my mind, so be watching for more posts soon. I plan to share some of what God has been teaching me over this summer.

I was privileged to spend two weeks of my summer at a Worldview training camp, called Summit . In many ways those were the hardest, yet the best two weeks of my life. Through God's working, I feel like I grew so much because of my time there.

I was challenged beyond what I've ever been before! An appetite in me was awakened to study more, dig deeper in search of truth, and share the truth in love. I came to realize how passive I've become; not putting my whole energy into God's service.  God has not redeemed me to sit idly, "waiting for His leading," I have been called to FIGHT!

"Passivity is a plague among Christians. It's not that we don't do anything; it's that we feel spiritual for doing nothing." - Kevin DeYoung, Just Do Something

Two of the lovely ladies, Katie and Katherine, who I went to Summit with, at Garden of the God's.

The Attributes of Love

Credit

What is love? 


Is it a feeling? Is it an action? 
Our society equates love with romance/sex, but is the depth of love reached through sex?  Or is true love something deeper than the physical?

In studying the attributes of love described in the "love chapter" (I Corinthians 13),  a love that is deep, lasting, and strong is found. I found myself being challenged and convicted as I studied this.

Love is

More than just words

More than just actions

Patient and kind

Humble

Thoughtful of others

A bearer of burdens

Everlasting

Mature

Polite 

Rejoices in the truth

Trusting

Out lasts knowledge 

Love is not

Boastful

Envious

Arrogant

Rude 

Irritable

Resentful

Insistent on its own way

Joyful in wrongdoing 

Love is hard. Love is tiring. Love hurts. Love makes you vulnerable.  But love is also rewarding!

Nowhere in the Bible does it say that a person must be lovable before we show them love. It doesn't even say that they must act like they want to be shown love. So many people are hurting to be given true love. True love, loves the unlovely. 

We sinned against God. We spat in his face. We nailed him to a cross. We did not, nor do we ever deserve anything from him. Yet, he gave the ultimate gift of love - his own life. 

What about that person who has hurt you, or the person you find annoying, are you loving them as Christ loved us?

 

The Heart of Beauty

I have been challenge and blessed by the ministry of Eric and Leslie Ludy. And once again was blessed by this short video, so thought I would share it with you all! 

True beauty is not found in color of our hair, eyes or skin;

neither is it found in makeup or curls and bows.

Beauty is not found in the cloths we wear,

or in the weight shown when we step on the scale.

We search for beauty in so many things;

but true beauty is found in CHRIST ALONE. 

"The only true beauty comes from a life fully surrendered to Jesus Christ." -Leslie Ludy

Musings of a Counselor: Part 1

As I've now been volunteering as a peer counselor at a Crisis Pregnancy Center for several months, I've begun pondering on the approach many "pro-lifer's" have taken.

Most of us have seen or have at least heard about the "pro-lifer's" who picket around the abortion clinics with graph pictures of aborted babies, and bluntly telling the women that they are murdering there babies. Yes, biblically abortion is considered murder, and I am completely apposed to it. But is this that the most effective approach to take?

Many of the women who walk into those abortion clinics are already hurting, angry, and confused. Is using "guilt-tactics" the best way for Christians to reach out to them? Is there a better way to show them the Love of Christ? I believe that there is a better way.

A large portion of the women who choose to have an abortion realize that it is a life they are ending. The lie of it just being a "blob of tissue" has been exposed. Most abortions are chosen being aware that it truly is a living baby in their womb; yet they choose to have the abortion anyway. Why is that? "Pro-lifer's" have thought if they could just get people to realize that it is a living baby, less people would support abortion. I am sure that has been a factor in some choosing not to support abortion, but there are still a HUGE number of abortions being preformed every year.

Abortion rates are on the decline, but around 1 million abortions are still being preformed every year. So, a large number of women are still choosing abortion, in spite of the efforts to stop abortion.

What happens if we take our focus off trying to "save" the baby (which we really can't do anyway), and instead focus on the needs of mother's of these babies?
I will share more of my thoughts on this subject in an upcoming post!

Please feel free to comment, I would love to hear your thoughts!
God Bless!

Nearer My God {Video}

May you all have a blessed Lords Day, and may you find yourself being drawn nearer to God though this week!

{The Post That I Can't Think of a Good Title For}

So I said I had something exciting to share with you all so here it is....

Because I am earning my degree through Collegeplus I have met many of my closest friends online (gasp).

Some I have had the pleasure of meeting in person, and some I am still hoping to have that opportunity.
One of the people I have been waiting and wishing to meet was Katie over at Bursts of Sunshine.
A mutual friend was getting married, and I knew Katie was going to the wedding. But I didn't tell her that I also was going to be there, so it produced just a little bit of excitement when I showed up. Okay, maybe a lot of excitement! :)

Katie, it was such a joy to actually meet you in person! Your laugh and smile are contagious!  I am so excited to get to spend two weeks with you at Summit! Summit better be prepared for lots of giggles! :)

Katie, and I! Kudos to Amanda B. for taking the picture! 

Here are a few more pictures with me and some of my Collegeplus friends:

Alison!  Photography credit goes to Jason Manion

Alison, you heart for Christ and serving challenges and encourages me! I am blessed by God giving me the opportunity to know you! 

This is actually from about a month ago, but these are some of the (former) Collegeplus students who are in my "area" (meaning in the state). 

Even though many of us in Collegeplus live thousands of miles apart, it is a joy and blessing to see how strong the bond is in the body of Christ! I truly am blessed to have such amazing friends!


May God bless each of you this week!
I miss you all!
Marie

Random Wednesday: 2

This week most of my family is out of town camping, so it has just been one of my brothers and I at home.We've had a good time with just the two of us, although we both wish we didn't have as much school this week, so we could have done more things together. We need another whole weekend! We got in the Ultimate Frisbee, but didn't have time for the Repelling that we wanted to do. Oh well, his Spring Break is next week. :)

I drove a manual for the first time this week, and well let's just say we made it home and so did the car.
Probably need a little more practice with that one. ;)

The Piano Guys are currently my favorite study music, so they've been on replay while I've been writing papers. This one always makes me smile. Charlie Brown Medley


Made these for dinner the other night. Mhmm so good, and easy too! Definitely going to make them again!


Did some observations at the Women's Center today! Things from all the training are coming together, and I'm starting to see the "flow" of things. I still have more training/observing to do before I will be in the counseling room by myself, but it's coming together!

I have some super exciting news but......(wait for it)




.....I can't share it yet. So, you'll just have to look back. I promise, I will be sharing it soon! ;)

Credit  

So yeah, thus ends this random post. Take care y'all!

A Deeper Look: Emotional Purity

I have recently been challenged in considering the issue of emotional purity. Christians have often focused on physical purity, while neglecting the importance of emotional purity. Physical purity is very important, but there is much more to relationships than only the physical. Should we not strive for emotional purity as well as physical purity?

She does him good, and not harm, 

all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:12 

In that verse the phrase "all the days of her life" really stands out to me. There are many ways we can be honoring and doing our husbands good - even before we meet them! One of the ways is saving our emotional intimacy for him. God created men and women to not only fulfill each other physically but also emotionally. We can easily emotionally attach ourselves to someone, without there being a serious commitment in the relationship. This results in us giving away a part of us that really belongs to our future husband, thus not truly doing him good.  

I think we all know that girls are easily triggered by emotion, and are also major dreamers. Admit it girls; when you meet an amazing Christian guy who you could see yourself with, it's not long before your last name has mentally morphed into his, and you are living "happily ever after." This is not something we should be doing, but rather should be fighting against.

Something to consider when evaluating a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex, is whether it's encouraging us in our walk with the Lord, or if it's causing us to become anxiousness for things that are not ours to have yet. Whether we are single or married, our fulfillment ultimately needs to come from the Lord, not from our spouse or other person/people.

We need to be guarding our mind, and not allow it to wander wherever it wants to take us.
I did not really touch on it much today, but another area we need to be striving for purity is mentally. Maybe that will be the topic for another post.


A book that I highly recommend which goes deeper into the subject is: Emotional Purity An Affair of the Heart by, Heather Arnel Paulsen

If you have any thoughts or comments on the subject, I would love to hear them!

Random Wednesday

First full day in Oregon; woke up to it being rainy/snowy. Then I find out that it was a beautiful 70 degrees at home today, what a bum deal! But oh well, it's nice seeing my Grandma again!

Went to two little coffee shops with my mom. Had lunch at one, and checked out the book store in the other.

Waited in the car for my mom while she got a few groceries. She came back all smiling, and excitedly tells me that she won a Kindle Fire! Now I kind of wish I had gone in for the groceries. No, seriously I'm really happy for her. I know she's been wanting one, and I can tell she's already enjoying it! :)

My Grandma took my Auntie, my Mom and myself out for Moroccan. That was the first time I'd had it. I liked it, and would say that the "dinning experience" was very interesting. I always find it fascinating to see how other cultures do things.

Worked on some of the never ending homework. I have several papers that I need to start and write tomorrow. This semester has been going well, but I do get tired of always having to do lots of reading and writing. But I guess that's kinda part of being in college....so can't wait to be done!

And yes, I know it is now Thursday, so I am going to bed!

The Words of My Mouth

Recently the Lord has been speaking to me about the words that I speak.

All the words of my mouth are with righteousness;

Nothing crooked or perverse is in them. Pro. 8:8

This verse really challenged and convicted me to consider if it could be said of my speech. Are the words I speak, words of righteousness? 

God has shown me that I have been lacking in this area.
Sometimes I may wish it was not true, but people will be affected by my words. It will either be a positive affect, or to my regret, a negative affect.When I am careless in my speech, I end up hurting my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Rather than hurtful and impure words, I desire my speech to be words of love, purity, humility, and grace. 
I want people to leave their conversations with me feeling blessed and encouraged in the Lord - not hurt and confused.

What has God been teaching you recently?


Blessings!
Marie

Hymns on the Harp

Bought to you by my Venus Encore, Annabelle.

Neither of these arrangements are really difficult, but I enjoy playing simplistic hymns sometimes. 

                                  

I know the video quality isn't the greatest, and that there are mistakes, but hope you still enjoy!

Blessings!
Marie

UPdate

I know some of you have been wanting to hear how my training for the Crisis Pregnancy Center has been going, so I'll give you a little update.
I have almost completed the classroom part of my training, which is supposed to be about 20 hours worth. I would actually be done, but one of the sessions was canceled due to winter weather. But anyway...I'll be done next Saturday!

After that I will have 5 weeks of orientation. I'm not sure what all that evolves yet, but I believe I will be sitting in on some of the counseling sessions, finding which of the programs I, or rather God wants to focus on, and just learning how things run at the center.

Then after the 5 weeks or orientation.....I should be able to start counseling!!!!

I can already see that volunteering is going to be a huge growing (and yes, sometimes uncomfortable) experience! I have been so blessed by seeing how God has brought together for His work, different people from various backgrounds/family dynamics. Although we may not all be from the same denomination, I see such a love a passion for Christ and for serving Him! It's such a blessing and excites me, to see people get excited about serving Jesus!

One prayer request that I have, is that God would open the door and lead me into the program that He wants me to be involved in. And by "program" I mean, they have different counseling programs for different needs. For instance, there is post-abortion, abstinence, child care training, ect.

I'll leave you with this little tidbit I heard in training:

"Our lives must first go up, before they go out."

"I Have a Dream"

In honor of Martin Luther King Jr. Day: 

Do not be silent, but let your voice be heard for what truly matters!

Let God give you a dream, and let Him work that dream out, through your life!

New Year, New Challenge

Many times at the beginning of a New Year, I ask God to give me a special verse for that year.
This year I feel like God has laid on my heart the following passage:

If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. 
Set your affections on things above, not on things on the earth. Col. 3:1&2




My prayer and desire is that through this year, God will continue to teach to apply these verses to my life. I want to keep them at the front of my mind, as a reminder of what I truly should be setting my heart on.

As things in life press in, and try to distract me from my relationship with Christ, I pray that God will remind my of these verses again.


Has God given any of you a special verse for this year?